Why Me?

Owen was hanging out in his bassinet this morning when I made the mistake of picking him up. He let rip the loudest burp I have ever heard come from any living creature. Then he spit up on me. It was so chunky and so smelly that I couldn't help but gag and rip my shirt off. Then I cleaned up Owen's face and neck and took him to the changing table to get a clean diaper and onesie. That's when the real trouble began...

How to Change Owen's Diaper:
1. Remove dirty diaper and place a clean one underneath his squishy tushy.
2. Wipe his cute lil tush.
3. Take cover while he poops on you and the clean diaper and the changing table.
4. Wipe his cute lil tush.
5. Take cover while he pees on you and himself.
6. Wipe his cute lil tush.
7. Get out a clean diaper and place it underneath his squishy tushy.
8. Take cover while he poops on you and the clean diaper and the changing table.
9. Wipe his cute lil tush.
10. Rub baby cream on his cute lil tush and quickly fasten diaper.
11. Wipe the second round of spit up from his cheek, chin, and neck.
12. Remove the dirty pajamas.
13. Carry Owen to the couch to dress him because the changing table is covered in disgusting fecal matter.
14. Wipe the third round of spit up from his cheek, chin, and neck. Don't forget to rub it into the couch cushion.
15. Dress Owen.
16. Pray that he takes his morning nap soon.
17. Forget the whole event as he smiles at you.